Hi. How are you? It’s been a while.

It’s 5 in the morning and I can’t sleep. There are a lot of reasons for this. One is insomnia. The others I’m not getting into. But alas, I’m up. I’m up and I’m thinking. And that thinking has led to writing. And thus writing I am.

So, hey. Hi. How are you? It’s been a while. I say as I flirtatiously twirl my hair in the hopes that I may arouse some level of re-interest from your drifting eyes.

This year has been a rollercoaster for me. The cliché couldn’t be more apt: after slowly chugging my way up the lift hill, I launched into a thrill ride that elicited the joys of weightlessness before a few nasty inversions left me leaving the park hurled over my stomach. I’m now sitting at home with an ice-pack to my head and a trash-can full of regret.

There’s one constant throughout the journey’s highs and lows, however: I barely posted to this blog. There are a lot of reasons for this. One, I was having my content published elsewhere. Two, some level of laziness, which stemmed from three, a lack of creative drive, some of which was related to four, I stopped watching much anime, meaning that five, I couldn’t deliver the type of content anyone cared for. And then six and beyond, a lot of personal stuff happened. Is still happening. It’s been a year.

In moments of inspiration, I’ve excitedly messaged the following to this or that person: “Hey, I’m finally gonna write an article again!” Followed by a screenshot of a headline from the WordPress text editor.

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 4.57.46 AM.png

None of these ever got written. That excitement lived only until I woke up the next morning and either procrastinated or decided I didn’t actually believe the premise a particular post was to be based around. Sometimes I’d think “this is something I could try to pitch.” A few times I did pitch but nothing ever came of it. Ultimately those articles were left abandoned. Ideas stuck in your head are a useless currency and I had a lot of them.

(I’m using post and article interchangeably at this point. It’s now past 5 in the morning. Roll with it.)

I’m virtual-penning this with the thought of “if I don’t write this right now then this is never getting written.” The idea was for me to say I’m still alive and that hopefully I’ll be back to writing. But I may just procrastinate. I’ve got some freelance work coming up; that’ll get done. But personal blog posts? It’d make me happy to create again. I should be creating. I just need to do it. Overcoming that hurdle can be very difficult in my current life predicament but if I know myself, I know that my life is one-hundred percent more bearable when I’m productive, and two-hundred percent less bearable when I’m not.

Actually, I have been creating. Music is perhaps my greatest passion so I’m not sure why it didn’t strike me until recently that I could probably be a pretty decent-to-good DJ. So I bought DJing software for $50 and got to mixing. I’m posting said mixes on Mixcloud… well, so far I’ve only posted the first one but a second is well on its way. Conceiving, constructing and recording continues to make me happier than anything else has lately. It’s like staring down an anglerfish; a small light in the darkness that you fixate on, trying beyond hope to forget there’s a menacing visage glaring back at you.

Anyway, here’s my first set. To copy and past the description:

First mix! Recorded “live.”

The concept is that of a curve across three genres: it builds with ambient/atmospheric, peaks with electronica/dance and locks into groove with funky tunes recorded by funky bands.

It’s my first time so I’m eager for any and all constructive feedback! I know the transitions are rough so what I’m particularly interested in is the song selection/sequencing/genre flow and ideas behind the transitions.

Thanks for listening! :3

And what’s in the name Marketspace? Well, I needed a moniker but everything I came up with was already taken on Mixcloud or required more than one word which the platform doesn’t allow (I understand why, but it’s limiting!). After Marketplace was taken, my mind wandered to what other than a “place” could hold a “market”… a “space” sounds kinda hip, even if I’m criminally unhip, though sometimes failingly try to be a little hip. But the “scenes” like ’em hip so that’s how I gotta look. Anyhoo, Marketspace wasn’t taken and I couldn’t wait another dang moment to get my mix up so I stamped it in. I later searched on Google to find that “marketspace” is a highfalutin marketing term for the internet. Sure, why not. I’ll probably stumble across a better name eventually.

As for writing, I’m currently trying to tap back into my aspirations of creative writing. Those are going totally alright so far, though beginnings are always easy for me; it’s sticking with something when things get tough that I need to make good on if I at all want to find success in those potential fields.

As for the type of writing you’re used to seeing from me, let me put it this way: I’ve deleted my social media which means I’m free of the distraction and mental health deterioration that it brought. Perhaps I’ll report to using this blog as an outlet in its stead. I’m not making any sort of statement that this is a grand return; whatever happens will happen. Maybe I’ll leave this place abandoned again. Maybe it’ll be abandoned save for semi-intolerable “will you listen to my mixtape” pleas. Maybe it’ll have those but also other good posts on good stuff. What good stuff will that be? Who knows! Though I haven’t watched anime in two months, so I wouldn’t expect that. Maybe I’ll put a bow on this blog and start a new one? Who knows! I certainly don’t, which is a little exciting and about five-hundred times that a lot frightening. Because what is my life? What is life? Upside-down smile emoji. That one always softens the blow of a harrowing rhetorical question, dunnit?

We’re rambling, folks. But I feel I’ve said what was needed. I’m not dead, but it remains to be seen how alive I am. Let’s hope I have a few more breaths left in me.

Editing, hitting this button,

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 5.43.32 AM

and then going to sleep. Goodnight to me and hopefully good morning or day to you.

(It’s 6 in the morning after editing. The regret has fully set in. But if you’ve read this far and haven’t already said “screw this guy,” thanks a lot. I hope you’ll stick around should I also stick around. And if you read this far and did say “screw this guy,” well, I’m right there with ya buddy.)

(Oh, ways to keep up with the blog: subscribe on WordPress, subscribe for email updates on the right-hand sidebar, follow me on Twitter, add this blog to an RSS feed, obsessively check daily but rarely come away lucky, or do whatever else it is you do to get your read-stuff. And also…

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 6.18.17 AM.pngwe just etc. now)

3 thoughts on “Hi. How are you? It’s been a while.

  1. Sorry to hear you’ve been having such a tough year. My year has also not been great and to be honest I’ll be really happy when 2019 rolls around because as arbitrary as it is my brain seems to feel that moving into a new year must give things a shot at slightly resetting even if it isn’t really true. Hopefully you find your desire to write again, but if not I hope you find something, whether it be your music or something else, that allows you to create and gives you an outlet.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. There was a time where I also felt New Years was arbitrary but in the past few years as “turning over a new leaf” has always felt not only wanted but required, it’s become a special date. This “arbitrary” fixture is a human one. We need structure to survive, and the mere feeling of a new start is all it takes to make meaningful steps. That’s why I started Thoughts That Move in a January. New Years pushed me to make the jump. So yeah, while I’m trying to be proactive in the now instead of waiting, it’ll absolutely feel like a fresh start to me too.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. terranceacrow

    “The idea was for me to say I’m still alive and that hopefully I’ll be back to writing. But I may just procrastinate.”

    Do what you need to stay healthy. And if you post here again? I’ll be happy to read it!

    “I’ve deleted my social media which means I’m free of the distraction and mental health deterioration that it brought.”

    My son did the same thing, and you know what? He’s a TON happier! Especially Facebook… Glad to see you’re doing what you need to do to say healthy!

    Hope things turn the corner for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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